Web surfers the world over were left lost, bewildered, and having to find something else to do yesterday, after a gang of Malaysian men succeeded in stealing the internet.
It is believed the gang had lain in wait for several hours until all 960 million of the world's internet users weren't looking, before making their move. Working quickly, three of the men are thought to have disconnected the internet, before bundling it into the back of a stolen Ford transit van which was driven by a fourth accomplice.
When they returned to their screens, net users were horrified to discover a series of "Page Cannot Be Displayed" errors where the internet had been only moments before. Although many dismissed the errors as a temporary problem, as the hours passed more and more hardcore web fanatics became increasingly concerned.
"I knew something was up right away," online gamer, Craig Wilson (28) said. "I was half way through a quick sixteen hour session of [online role playing game] Everquest, and had just gone for a pee break. When I came back the connection had died, and there was nothing I could do to get it back.
"I tried IM-ing some of my friends, I tried pinging the server, but nothing was responding."
Added Craig: "I was scared. Real scared."
WAREHOUSE
Craig, like millions of other diehard users, spent the next several hours sitting at his computer, repeatedly clicking his browser's "Refresh" button, in an attempt to somehow force the internet back into life. Little did they suspect that by this point the world wide web was undergoing a complete respray in a warehouse located in the northern area of the Malaysian city of Kuching.
It is believed the men had stolen the internet in order to sell it on to a pre-approved buyer for a seven figure sum, and they may well have succeeded were it not for an anonymous tip off received by international law enforcement agency, INTERPOL several hours after the theft had been carried out.
The tip off led armed officers directly to the Malaysian warehouse, where the four men were attempting to remove all distinguishing marks from the stolen net with an industrial sander. A firefight ensued, during which it is believed popular internet site, myspace.com, may have sustained a critical injury.
MySpace - one of the web's most popular sites, which allows users to post details about themselves and meet new friends - is thought to have taken a stray bullet to the central database, instantly wiping out millions of user profiles. Experts believe it is unlikely that the site will ever recover.
SUCCESS
Despite the tragic loss of MySpace, INTERPOL have hailed the operation a success, with three members of the gang captured alive. After receiving medical attention for their gunshot injuries, the three men will be taken to Interpol's French headquarters for questioning, in an attempt to discover the identity of the stolen internet's intended buyer.
"At the moment they're claiming they know nothing about the buyer - who they have only spoken to by telephone - other than that he has an American accent, which they believe to be Texan," a spokesman for INTERPOL said. "Rest assured however that we will get to the bottom of this, sooner or later."
Added the spokesman: "For we are INTERPOL, and no wrongdoer shall evade our might!"
Online businesses were slowly returning to normal today following the 27 hour internet outage, which was responsible for many sites - including The Observant - being unable to provide an update yesterday.
As a mark of respect for the fallen MySpace, a two minute e-mail silence is planned for tomorrow afternoon at 2pm EST.
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